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Love Letters
Dear Brad CF may make me breathless at times, but you take my breath away. When I think about our relationship and the ways you support and encourage me, I am humbled. You took on the role of a CF husband without a moment's hesitation. What impresses me the most is that you don't even think of yourself as a “CF Husband” but simply as “Lauren's Husband.” Some days I can hardly wrap my head around that. In the 8 years we've known each other, I can't think of a single time when you backed down from the challenge of CF or shrunk back in fear from what it entailed. Right from the start you've taken CF in stride and done everything you can to learn about it so that you could be as supportive as possible. You've held my hand as we've struggled through the hard questions of “why?” You've wrapped your arms around me in big victory hugs every time my lung function tests show positive progress. You bring me double cheeseburgers when I can't stand hospital food anymore. You pray with me and for me, asking God to give us the grace and strength we need to get through each day. I can hardly remember what it was like to go to a doctor appointment and not have you sitting there with me. Having you on my team just feels right. Just like my doctors have said about you, you're good medicine for me. The respiratory therapist is right too when he calls you “Mr. Phenomenal.” You really are, you know. You're exactly the kind of man I prayed God would bring me. You are a direct answer to prayer and one of the biggest blessings in my life. I hope I tell you that often enough. My family says you're a “gem.” I agree. I love that we are silly together and that we find plenty of light-hearted moments even when I'm in the hospital. I love that we make up silly songs together about CF. Some of those tunes get stuck in my head and I laugh just to think about them. I love the nonsense words we use when we're alone together. We've been sharing all that laughter and joy from the moment we met. I look forward to many more years of it. I smile just thinking about you. I love that you take the time to show me how much I mean to you and how much you value me. Like just last month when you brought our Valentine's Day dinner to the hospital and set it up on the table with a beautiful tulip bouquet, I could hardly contain myself. I still brag about that to anyone who will listen! Although I was wearing pajamas and slippers and an IV line, you made me feel every bit as beautiful and dressed up as I was when you took me to see Hamlet the first year we were married. When you tuck me into bed or help me find a comfy spot on the couch when I'm battling an infection, I feel protected and well cared for. One of the things you do that I appreciate the most is when you start my IVs for me early in the morning so that I can get enough sleep. You do it without complaining one bit. You are the one I want to sleep next to for the rest of my life. You are the one I want sitting beside me on the piano bench on Sunday afternoons. God has blessed me greatly by bringing us together, and I'm thankful every day for what he does in our life. Even with CF, life with you is wonderful. I treasure you. Love Always,
Lauren
March 24, 2008 My dearest Lauren, I, too, am amazed and fascinated by the life we share together. To me, CF is just one aspect of who you are. Despite the many ways in which it can affect us, it does nothing to diminish your attractiveness or the love I have for you. You are right in saying that I don't think of myself as a “CF husband.” I didn't marry CF; I married you! Supporting you during trying times is just what I do as your husband, no matter what the cause or how frequent. When we first met, I could tell you were special, and I ached to know you better. As we spent time with one another, my desire to learn everything about you only deepened. In fact, when you told me you had CF, my first instinct was merely to add that to the many things I already knew about you. Sharing that was a way for us to deepen our fledgling relationship, and even at that time it made me feel closer to you (despite your fear of the exact opposite). I now know that many of the qualities I most admire in you – your strength, your courage, your compassion – would not be nearly so prominent if they had not been shaped and developed by the experiences that CF has afforded you. It's difficult to take credit for supporting you. First, I know that I could never have made it through the hard times with you if God had not been sustaining us both. His constant care for us has given me the strength I need to endure the difficult experiences of watching you struggle to breathe and have powerful antibiotics administered intravenously. Second, the difficulties pale in comparison to a life shared with such a wonderful woman as you. Our personalities are compatible in such a perfect way, and I appreciate our marriage every single day. Things are so great in general that I can hold fast through the problems without a second thought. So much of the time I spend with you is filled with a pure enjoyment of what life has to offer. I'm always impressed by how you can keep track of your available energy and make sure to use it to its fullest. So many of us without CF take our lungs for granted, but you budget yourself in such a way that you can get your treatments done and still retain the ability to experience life as much as possible. With breath as precious as it is, I feel honored and loved that you choose to spend so much of it with me. So, yes, I visit you every day when you're in the hospital. When you're on IVs, I start them for you before I leave for work. I do my best to keep you as comfortable as possible. But these things are natural outgrowths of my love for you, in appreciation both to you and to God for the life I'm privileged to lead by your side. I wouldn't have it any other way. Love,
Brad
